Have you ever wondered what the purpose of even getting up and going to work is? Have you ever questioned the logic behind the way most people lead their lives: get a good job, marry, have kids?
Most people have asked themselves these questions at some point or another. That’s normal. Skepticism is healthy. It qualifies you as a thinking, rational being.
The problem is when those thoughts take over your life and impede your ability to enjoy and grow.
I remember searching for myself as a young adult. I did this the only way I knew: traveling around the world and trying new things. I thought, perhaps, that I would find an occupation that I felt truly passionate about, something that would make me feel truly connected and alive.
Like so many other lost young men, I took it upon myself to complete what’s perhaps the world’s best-known pilgrimage: el Camino de Santiago. It would give me time to think and figure things out, I thought.
One day, walking on my own as I traversed the never-ending plains of Castilla, a thought struck me:
I realized that nothing mattered, that neither I nor my work made any difference in the grand scheme of things.
As this thought dawned on me, I felt a cold sweat run down my face. My body stiffened, and all of a sudden, I stopped paying attention to the outside world.
I was having an existential crisis.
That was my first encounter with existential OCD. I would have many more during my walk and throughout my early twenties.
The problem was that the more I tried to think my way out of my mental cacophony, the more enmeshed I became in my obsession. The more I told myself that life had a purpose, the stronger the thought “life is meaningless” became.
I spent a lot of time throughout my journey thinking about this topic (I had plenty of time), and it only made it worse. By the time I reached the glorious Cathedral of Compostela, I was feeling truly awful and lost.
Now, recovery did not come easy. Like the pilgrimage itself, overcoming my existential OCD was a long journey, and it began with making some room for the uncertainty I was feeling around life’s purpose.
Once I accepted that uncertainty and those difficult thoughts and feelings, I stopped trying to problem-solve. This, in turn, gave me time back to focus on the things that I enjoyed and on the life that I wanted to lead.
As I was able to relax around this topic, the grip that this obsession had over me slowly weakened. Now, it almost feels like a distant nightmare.
What Is Existential OCD?
As you can infer from my story above, existential OCD is a particular thought pattern centered around life’s big questions, such as the purpose of existence and death. It is a common type of OCD. Check this article to learn more about OCD.
People with this OCD subtype may question the purpose of getting up in the morning. They may even question whether their life is real or if they are living in some kind of simulation.
What Makes Existential OCD Different From Normal Worry?
As with other types of OCD (such as false memory OCD or relationship OCD), the difference between regular reflection about life’s purpose and the type of rumination we see in existential OCD is that the latter is much more persistent and causes significantly more anxiety, doubt, and distress. If you want to know more about what OCD rumination looks like, check this article.
Likewise, people experiencing normal, occasional questioning do not typically engage in compulsions. By contrast, one of the defining characteristics of existential OCD is engaging in compulsive behavior.
Common Compulsions in Existential OCD
One of the reasons existential OCD can feel so overwhelming is that the mind is constantly trying to resolve these questions.
This often leads to compulsive behaviors, many of which are mental and therefore harder to recognize.
Some common compulsions include:
- Mental rumination: Replaying the same questions over and over in an attempt to reach a satisfying answer.
- Seeking certainty: Trying to arrive at a definitive conclusion about life’s meaning, reality, or existence.
- Reassurance seeking: Asking others for their perspective or looking for answers in books, videos, or online forums.
- Checking how you feel: Constantly monitoring whether things “feel real” or meaningful.
- Avoidance: Staying away from topics, conversations, or environments that might trigger these thoughts.
While these behaviors may provide temporary relief, they tend to reinforce the cycle over time, making the thoughts come back stronger.
How Is Existential OCD Treated?
As counterintuitive as it may sound, the way out of existential OCD is not to solve the questions that your mind is presenting.
In fact, trying to find a final answer is often what keeps the cycle going.
A more effective approach involves changing your relationship with these thoughts.
This is where approaches like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can be helpful. Instead of trying to eliminate or resolve the thoughts, the focus shifts to:
- Allowing the thoughts to exist without engaging with them.
- Letting go of the need for certainty.
- Increasing your psychological flexibility so that you become more resilient and able to redirect your attention toward actions that align with your values.
Over time, as you reduce the amount of energy you give to these questions, they tend to lose their intensity and frequency.
This doesn’t mean the questions disappear entirely. It means they no longer control your life.
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