Have you ever wondered what the purpose of even getting up and going to work is? Have you ever questioned the logic behind the way most people lead their lives: get a good job, marry, have kids?
Most people have asked themselves these questions at some point or another. That’s normal. Skepticism is healthy. It qualifies you as a thinking, rational being.
The problem is when those thoughts take over your life and impede your ability to enjoy and grow.
I remember searching for myself as a young adult. I did this the only way I knew: traveling around the world and trying new things. I thought, perhaps, that I would find an occupation that I felt truly passionate about, something that would make me feel truly connected and alive.
Like so many other lost young men, I took it upon myself to complete what’s perhaps the world’s best-known pilgrimage: el Camino de Santiago. It would give me time to think and figure things out, I thought.
One day, walking on my own as I traversed the never-ending plains of Castilla, a thought struck me:
I realized that nothing mattered, that neither I nor my work made any difference in the grand scheme of things.
As this thought dawned on me, I felt a cold sweat run down my face. My body stiffened, and all of a sudden, I stopped paying attention to the outside world.
I was having an existential crisis.
That was my first encounter with existential OCD. I would have many more during my walk and throughout my early twenties.
The problem was that the more I tried to think my way out of my mental cacophony, the more enmeshed I became in my obsession. The more I told myself that life had a purpose, the stronger the thought “life is meaningless” became.
I spent a lot of time throughout my journey thinking about this topic (I had plenty of time), and it only made it worse. By the time I reached the glorious Cathedral of Compostela, I was feeling truly awful and lost.
Now, recovery did not come easy. Like the pilgrimage itself, overcoming my existential OCD was a long journey, and it began with making some room for the uncertainty I was feeling around life’s purpose.
Once I accepted that uncertainty and those difficult thoughts and feelings, I stopped trying to problem-solve. This, in turn, gave me time back to focus on the things that I enjoyed and on the life that I wanted to lead.
As I was able to relax around this topic, the grip that this obsession had over me slowly weakened. Now, it almost feels like a distant nightmare.
What Is Existential OCD?
As you can infer from my story above, existential OCD is a particular thought pattern centered around life’s big questions, such as the purpose of existence and death. It is a common type of OCD. Check this article to learn more about OCD.
People with this OCD subtype may question the purpose of getting up in the morning. They may even question whether their life is real or if they are living in some kind of simulation.
What Makes Existential OCD Different From Normal Worry?
As with other types of OCD (such as false memory OCD or relationship OCD), the difference between regular reflection about life’s purpose and the type of rumination we see in existential OCD is that the latter is much more persistent and causes significantly more anxiety, doubt, and distress. If you want to know more about what OCD rumination looks like, check this article.
Likewise, people experiencing normal, occasional questioning do not typically engage in compulsions. By contrast, one of the defining characteristics of existential OCD is engaging in compulsive behavior.
Common Compulsions in Existential OCD
One of the reasons existential OCD can feel so overwhelming is that the mind is constantly trying to resolve these questions.
This often leads to compulsive behaviors, many of which are mental and therefore harder to recognize.
Some common compulsions include:
Mental rumination: Replaying the same questions over and over in an attempt to reach a satisfying answer.
Seeking certainty: Trying to arrive at a definitive conclusion about life’s meaning, reality, or existence.
Reassurance seeking: Asking others for their perspective or looking for answers in books, videos, or online forums.
Checking how you feel: Constantly monitoring whether things “feel real” or meaningful.
Avoidance: Staying away from topics, conversations, or environments that might trigger these thoughts.
While these behaviors may provide temporary relief, they tend to reinforce the cycle over time, making the thoughts come back stronger.
How Is Existential OCD Treated?
As counterintuitive as it may sound, the way out of existential OCD is not to solve the questions that your mind is presenting.
In fact, trying to find a final answer is often what keeps the cycle going.
A more effective approach involves changing your relationship with these thoughts.
This is where approaches like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can be helpful. Instead of trying to eliminate or resolve the thoughts, the focus shifts to:
Increasing your psychological flexibility so that you become more resilient and able to redirect your attention toward actions that align with your values.
Over time, as you reduce the amount of energy you give to these questions, they tend to lose their intensity and frequency.
This doesn’t mean the questions disappear entirely. It means they no longer control your life.
Psychological flexibility is the ability to stay open, aware, and engaged even when uncomfortable thoughts or emotions are present.
It is not about eliminating distress, but about changing how you relate to your inner experiences so they no longer dictate your behavior.
In ACT, psychological flexibility is strengthened through six core processes: acceptance, cognitive defusion, present-moment awareness, self-as-context, values, and committed action.
Higher psychological flexibility is associated with lower levels of anxiety, depression, and distress, and plays an important role in OCD treatment.
Flexibility grows through practice, not perfection: small, values-guided actions taken in the presence of discomfort build lasting change.
Disclaimer: This article is for educational purposes, not medical advice.
What Is Psychological Flexibility?
Mental rigidity is strongly associated with OCD and other mental disorders. When our thinking patterns are unhelpful and we are not able to change them to better adapt to our circumstances, we are being psychologically rigid.
What’s the opposite of mental rigidity? You guessed right: psychological flexibility.
In the landmark book A Liberated Mind, Stephen Hayes, creator of ACT, describes psychological flexibility as follows:
“Psychological flexibility is the ability to feel and think with openness, to attend voluntarily to your experiences of the present moment, and to move your life in directions that are important to you, building habits that allow you to live life in accordance with your values and aspirations.”
Importantly, he adds that psychological flexibility involves not running away from pain but turning towards it “in order to live a life full of meaning and purpose.”
Psychological flexibility is also about being aware of our inner experience (thoughts, emotions, or urges) but not letting it dictate our actions. We choose how to respond to our present circumstances based on the things we value in life, not what we are feeling or thinking at the moment.
Put in another way: being psychologically flexible is acting in ways that serve our long-term values instead of short-term relief. It’s reacting with intention instead of with impulsivity. Ultimately, psychological flexibility helps us move towards what matters, even when doing so makes us feel uncertain or anxious.
Research consistently shows the benefits of higher psychological flexibility. For example, individuals with greater flexibility typically report lower levels of depression, anxiety, and psychological distress during stressful life events according to a study by Masuda et., al published in 2011.
Characteristics of Psychological Flexibility
Being present: Staying connected to what is happening right now instead of getting lost in worries about the future or ruminations about the past. Presence allows us to respond to reality as it is, rather than as our mind imagines it to be.
Openness: Psychological flexibility involves making room for uncomfortable thoughts and emotions without immediately trying to push them away. Openness creates space for choice, even when internal experiences feel intense or unpleasant.
Engaged: Engagement refers to taking action guided by your values, even when it feels uncomfortable. It means participating in your life in ways that reflect what truly matters to you, rather than being driven by avoidance or short-term relief.
Why Is Psychological Flexibility Important?
Psychological flexibility plays a crucial role in learning and growth. When we are open and curious, rather than defensive or avoidant, we are more able to learn from experience, even from failure, discomfort, or uncertainty.
Flexibility also helps us adapt to changing environments. Life is unpredictable, and rigid ways of thinking or behaving impede our adjustment and success. Psychological flexibility allows us to modify our responses as situations change, rather than clinging to strategies that no longer work.
Importantly, psychological flexibility helps us let go of unhelpful patterns of thinking and behavior. Instead of repeatedly engaging in habits that provide short-term relief but long-term suffering, flexibility allows us to experiment with new, more adaptive ways of responding.
Practical Examples of Psychological Flexibility
The following case studies are fictional but illustrate psychological flexibility at work.
Case 1: Not Quitting a Course of Study Even When Facing Doubt
Daniel, a 29-year-old nursing student in Chicago, began questioning whether he was “smart enough” after failing his first pharmacology exam. Instead of dropping out, he acknowledged the self-doubt, met with his professor, joined a study group, and adjusted his schedule. He chose persistence because becoming a nurse aligned with his long-term values.
Case 2: Responding Calming to a Setback
María, a freelance graphic designer in Madrid, lost a major client unexpectedly. Her first impulse was panic and self-criticism. Instead of spiraling, she took a walk, labeled her thoughts as anxiety, and reviewed her finances objectively. Within a week, she updated her portfolio and reached out to three new prospects.
Case 3: Continuing to Engage in Valued Action Even if You Are Not Feeling Your Best
Jamal, a high school teacher in Atlanta, woke up feeling low and unmotivated after a difficult week. Rather than calling in sick out of avoidance, he showed up and focused on delivering one meaningful lesson. He didn’t try to eliminate his mood. He simply chose to act in line with his commitment to his students.
Case 4: Not Letting Strong Emotions Dominate Your Actions
Elena, a 35-year-old marketing manager in Toronto, felt intense anger after receiving critical feedback during a team meeting. Her instinct was to send a defensive email. Instead, she paused, drafted the message without sending it, and revisited it the next morning. She responded thoughtfully, protecting both her reputation and professional relationships.
Psychological Flexibility and OCD
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is strongly associated with psychological inflexibility. Individuals with OCD often feel compelled to respond to intrusive thoughts or distressing sensations in rigid, habitual ways (such as performing compulsions or engaging in mental rituals) to reduce anxiety.
The researchers found that OCD symptoms decreased significantly while psychological flexibility increased over the course of treatment. Importantly, higher average levels of psychological flexibility were associated with lower scores on the Yale-Brown Obsessive Compulsive Scale (Y-BOCS). Greater flexibility significantly predicted lower levels of obsessions and compulsions.
These findings highlight that OCD is not just about the presence of intrusive thoughts, but about the rigid ways people respond to them. Increasing psychological flexibility helps loosen these rigid patterns, allowing individuals to relate differently to intrusive thoughts, urges, and anxiety.
What Is Psychological Flexibility in ACT?
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), psychological flexibility is the central goal of treatment. ACT does not aim to eliminate unpleasant thoughts or feelings. Instead, it focuses on changing how we relate to them so that they no longer dominate our behavior.
ACT teaches skills that help individuals stay present, open, and engaged in life while pursuing what matters to them. Psychological flexibility in ACT is about living fully even in the presence of discomfort.
The Core Processes of Becoming More Psychologically Flexible in ACT
Increasing psychological flexibility in ACT involves strengthening six interrelated core processes, often represented in the ACT hexaflex model. These processes are not steps to be completed in sequence. They are interconnected skills that support and reinforce one another.
You can begin working with any of the processes, and growth in one area often enhances the others. For example, improving cognitive defusion can make acceptance easier, and clarifying values can strengthen committed action.
Rather than aiming for perfect “balance,” psychological flexibility develops as you repeatedly practice these processes in real-life situations.
Acceptance: Acceptance involves allowing internal experiences to be present without struggling against them. This reduces the energy spent on avoidance and control.
Cognitive defusion: Defusion helps people see thoughts as mental events rather than literal truths. This creates distance from unhelpful thinking patterns.
Being present: This refers to mindful awareness of the here and now, rather than thinking about the past or future.
Self-as-context: Self-as-context refers to shifting from being entangled with self-stories (“I am a failure,” “I am broken”) to observing those stories from a broader perspective. Instead of defining yourself by thoughts, roles, or past experiences, you learn to notice them as events occurring within awareness.
Values: Clarifying what truly matters to you is an essential part of the process. Values provide direction for meaningful action.
Committed action: ACT teaches you how to set goals that are practical, measurable and aligned with your values.
ACT Techniques That Support Psychological Flexibility
Here are a few ACT techniques to help you become more proficient in every core process.
Look at It as an Object (Defusion): The goal of this exercise is to lessen the impact of troubling thoughts. Pick a thought that’s bothering you and ask yourself: if it had a size, what would it be? If it were an object, what shape would it have? Continue this process with the reactions you have to the thought. After analyzing each reaction in this way, return to the original thought. Does it still feel as heavy or threatening?
Rewriting Your Own Story (Self-as-context): Write a couple hundred words about a situation you’ve struggled with. Then reread what you wrote and circle all words that describe internal reactions (thoughts, feelings, memories, sensations, or behaviors). Next, underline all external situations or facts. Finally (and this is the key step), rewrite the story so that all the circled and underlined elements remain, but the theme, meaning, and direction of the story are completely different.
Open the Door (Acceptance): Rather than trying to push away uncomfortable emotions, you imagine opening the door and allowing them in. You might notice tightness in your chest or a wave of sadness and make room for it instead of fighting it. Acceptance doesn’t mean liking the feeling—it means dropping the struggle so you can move forward.
Broaden and Narrow Your Attention (Presence): The point of this exercise is to train your ability to shift and control your attention. Lie down comfortably and play a song that includes several instruments (e.g., wind, strings, percussion). Focus your attention solely on one instrument, then shift your attention to a different instrument every minute. This deliberate shifting strengthens your capacity to stay present and direct your focus intentionally.
Flipping Pain into Purpose (Values):Difficult emotions often point toward something meaningful. Grief signals love; anxiety signals importance. By identifying the value underneath the pain, you can use discomfort as a compass that guides you toward what truly matters in your life.
SMART Goal Setting (Committed Action): Once you’ve clarified your values, you translate them into specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound goals. For example, if connection is a value, you might commit to calling a friend once a week. Small, consistent steps build momentum and reinforce valued living, even when motivation fluctuates.
Other Ways to Improve Psychological Flexibility
Psychological flexibility is a skill that can be developed over time. One simple way to build flexibility is to learn something new every day, even in small ways. Novel experiences challenge rigid thinking patterns and encourage curiosity.
Another helpful practice is changing routines. Small changes (such as taking a different route, trying new foods, or altering daily habits) can gently stretch psychological flexibility and reduce reliance on automatic behavior.
Practicing mindfulness, reflecting on values, and intentionally choosing actions aligned with long-term goals can all contribute to increased psychological flexibility over time.
Psychological Flexibility FAQ
How can I find a coach focusing on psychological flexibility skills?
Look for coaches or therapists trained in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) or contextual behavioral approaches. Many professionals explicitly mention psychological flexibility as a core focus of their work.
Which online therapy platforms specialize in psychological flexibility techniques?
The Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies (ABCT) offers a large, searchable database of therapists that can be filtered by specialty, including ACT. It’s Complicated is another helpful platform for finding therapists who specialize in ACT and other evidence-based approaches.
What are the best apps to improve psychological flexibility?
ACT Companion can be a helpful tool for building psychological flexibility. There are also apps that target specific processes. Headspace, for example, focuses on meditation and mindfulness, helping you strengthen present-moment awareness. Clarity: CBT Self-Help Journal can support work on defusion and self-as-context by helping you identify, examine, and reframe unhelpful thought patterns.
What are the three pillars of psychological flexibility?
While models vary, psychological flexibility is often summarized as openness, awareness, and engagement: being open to experience, aware of the present moment, and engaged in valued action.
Disclaimer: This article is for educational purposes, not medical advice.
What Are Intrusive Thoughts?
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts, images, or urges that show up suddenly and feel disturbing, confusing, or alarming. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, six million Americans have intrusive thoughts.
Everyone has strange or uncomfortable thoughts from time to time, but intrusive thoughts feel different from normal worry. They tend to be more intense, more repetitive, and much harder to ignore.
A key difference is how we respond to them. Regular worries don’t hook us. Intrusive thoughts, on the other hand, pull us into the OCD cycle: a thought appears, anxiety spikes, we try to get rid of it, and that effort makes the thought come back stronger. The more energy we use to fight, suppress, or analyze the thought, the more “sticky” it becomes.
Why do we engage with intrusive thoughts so much? Often, rumination becomes a compulsion. We try to fix a problem using the wrong tools: analyzing, neutralizing, or seeking certainty about something that can’t be solved through thinking. While intrusive thoughts can be associated with conditions like OCD or PTSD, many people experience them without having a mental health disorder at all.
Common Types of Intrusive Thoughts
Intrusive thoughts are often ego-dystonic, meaning they go against your values, identity, or desires. People may experience repetitive doubts about deeply important topics like relationships, morality, religion, or identity (e.g., relationship OCD). The content often targets what you care about most.
Common themes include sexual thoughts, violent images, identity doubts, religious fears, relationship doubts, death, and existential questions. Many people fear they might act on these thoughts (e.g., harm OCD), or that the thought itself says something terrible about who they are. A common myth is that “if you think it, you must secretly want it,” which is simply not true.
Identifying Intrusive Thoughts
So how can you tell whether a thought is intrusive?
Intrusive thoughts tend to feel unusual or out of character: They don’t align with your values, intentions, or sense of self. People often say, “This doesn’t feel like me,” or “Why would my brain even go there?”
Intrusive thoughts are bothersome: Intrusive thoughts trigger distress, anxiety, guilt, or shame. Even if the content seems irrational, the emotional reaction feels very real. The distress isn’t about curiosity or reflection; it’s about fear and urgency.
Intrusive thoughts are hard to control: Trying to suppress them often backfires. The more you tell yourself “don’t think this,” the louder and more frequent the thought becomes. This loss of control is frustrating and often leads to increased monitoring of your mind, which keeps the cycle going.
If a thought feels sticky, distressing, repetitive, and resistant to logic or reassurance, there’s a good chance you’re dealing with an intrusive thought rather than a meaningful signal or intuition.
Should I Worry About My Intrusive Thoughts?
In short: no. Intrusive thoughts are not impulses. People who experience them are not at higher risk of acting on them. In fact, the issue is usually over-control, not lack of control. You care deeply about preventing harm, which is why the thoughts feel so disturbing.
Take harm OCD as an example. One common theme within this subtype involves obsessive fears about becoming a serial killer. These fears arise precisely because not harming others is a deeply held value, making the thought of committing violence feel unbearable and deeply distressing. However, as NOCD explains, people with harm OCD are no more likely than the general population to harm someone. In fact, they may be even less likely, given how vigilant they are about these thoughts and how much distress the thoughts cause them.
That being said, you might consider seeing a therapist if intrusive thoughts are causing significant distress, taking up a lot of mental space, leading to compulsive behaviors, or interfering with daily life. A therapist trained in OCD-informed approaches can help you change your relationship with these thoughts rather than trying to eliminate them.
How to Stop Intrusive Thoughts: Give Up Fighting
This may sound counterintuitive, but the most effective way to deal with intrusive thoughts is to stop fighting them.
There’s solid psychological science behind this. In an article published in Behaviour Research and Therapy, researchers found that thought suppression is counterproductive, while acceptance is a more effective technique.
A common metaphor used in ACT is the Chinese finger trap: the harder you pull to escape, the tighter it grips. Relief comes from gently moving inward, not forcing your way out.
The Chinese finger trap metaphor shows how struggling against intrusive thoughts can make them feel more stuck.
The goal isn’t to make thoughts disappear. It’s to develop a new relationship with them. Instead of treating thoughts as threats that must be analyzed or neutralized, you learn to see them as mental events that can come and go on their own.
“The central shift is from a focus on what you think and feel to how do you relate to what you think and feel”
Steven C. Hayes, A Liberated Mind
Traditional CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) helps by identifying unhelpful thinking patterns and reducing reassurance and compulsions. ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) builds on this by emphasizing defusion (creating distance from thoughts) and acceptance (allowing internal experiences without resistance). Together, these approaches help loosen the grip intrusive thoughts have over your attention and emotions.
What Exercises Are Good for Intrusive Thoughts?
Acknowledge the thought: Gently notice the thought without judging it or trying to push it away. A simple “I’m noticing an intrusive thought” can interrupt the automatic struggle.
Give your brain a name and politely agree with it: This ACT exercise might sound strange, but it’s powerful. You might say, “Thanks, Kyle, I see you’re trying to protect me,” without debating or correcting the content.
Mindfulness: Mindfulness helps you observe thoughts rather than get pulled into them. Simple practices include focusing on the breath, noticing sounds in the room, or doing a brief body scan for one to two minutes.
Redirect attention to physical sensations: Bring attention to your feet on the floor, the feeling of your hands, or your breathing. This grounds you in the present moment without trying to escape the thought.
Give shape and color to the thought: Visualize the thought as an object, cloud, or cartoon image. This creates distance and reminds you that thoughts are experiences, not commands or truths.
Avoid reassurance: Reassurance feels helpful short-term but keeps the cycle alive. Each time you seek certainty, you teach your brain that the thought was dangerous.
Open the door: Imagine opening a door and allowing uncomfortable thoughts and feelings to enter and leave freely. You “accept” these unwanted visitors and allow them to leave of their own accord.
Drop the rope: Picture a tug-of-war between you and the thought. Now picture yourself dropping the rope and shifting your attention instead to the things that matter in your life. You are no longer engaged in this senseless game, so you can actually focus on the things that are meaningful to you.
Stop Intrusive Thoughts Without Fighting FAQ
How can I use mobile apps to manage intrusive thoughts?
Apps that focus on mindfulness, acceptance, or cognitive defusion can be helpful when used gently. Avoid apps that encourage constant monitoring or reassurance.
How to find a therapist specializing in obsessive thoughts near me?
Look for therapists trained in CBT or ACT with experience treating OCD. International clinics, expat health networks, and online directories can be good starting points.
Where can I find support groups for anxiety and disturbing thoughts locally?
Local mental health clinics or expat communities sometimes host support groups. Online groups can also be helpful if local options are limited.
Does having intrusive thoughts mean I have OCD or some other mental condition?
Not necessarily. Intrusive thoughts are extremely common. A diagnosis depends on how much distress they cause and whether compulsive behaviors are present.
