Tag: Acceptance

Key Takeaways

• Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts, images, or urges that feel distressing precisely because they go against your values.
• Having intrusive thoughts does NOT mean you want to act on them or that they say something bad about who you are.
• Intrusive thoughts become more intense when we try to fight, suppress, or analyze them.
• The problem is usually over-control, not lack of control or dangerous impulses.
• Evidence-based approaches like CBT and ACT focus on changing how you relate to intrusive thoughts, not eliminating them.

Disclaimer: This article is for educational purposes, not medical advice.

What Are Intrusive Thoughts?

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts, images, or urges that show up suddenly and feel disturbing, confusing, or alarming. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, six million Americans have intrusive thoughts. 

Everyone has strange or uncomfortable thoughts from time to time, but intrusive thoughts feel different from normal worry. They tend to be more intense, more repetitive, and much harder to ignore.

A key difference is how we respond to them. Regular worries don’t hook us. Intrusive thoughts, on the other hand, pull us into the OCD cycle: a thought appears, anxiety spikes, we try to get rid of it, and that effort makes the thought come back stronger. The more energy we use to fight, suppress, or analyze the thought, the more “sticky” it becomes.

Why do we engage with intrusive thoughts so much? Often, rumination becomes a compulsion. We try to fix a problem using the wrong tools: analyzing, neutralizing, or seeking certainty about something that can’t be solved through thinking. While intrusive thoughts can be associated with conditions like OCD or PTSD, many people experience them without having a mental health disorder at all.

Common Types of Intrusive Thoughts

Intrusive thoughts are often ego-dystonic, meaning they go against your values, identity, or desires. People may experience repetitive doubts about deeply important topics like relationships, morality, religion, or identity (e.g., relationship OCD). The content often targets what you care about most.

Common themes include sexual thoughts, violent images, identity doubts, religious fears, relationship doubts, death, and existential questions. Many people fear they might act on these thoughts (e.g., harm OCD), or that the thought itself says something terrible about who they are. A common myth is that “if you think it, you must secretly want it,” which is simply not true.

Identifying Intrusive Thoughts 

So how can you tell whether a thought is intrusive?

• Intrusive thoughts tend to feel unusual or out of character: They don’t align with your values, intentions, or sense of self. People often say, “This doesn’t feel like me,” or “Why would my brain even go there?”
• Intrusive thoughts are bothersome: Intrusive thoughts trigger distress, anxiety, guilt, or shame. Even if the content seems irrational, the emotional reaction feels very real. The distress isn’t about curiosity or reflection; it’s about fear and urgency.
• Intrusive thoughts are hard to control: Trying to suppress them often backfires. The more you tell yourself “don’t think this,” the louder and more frequent the thought becomes. This loss of control is frustrating and often leads to increased monitoring of your mind, which keeps the cycle going.

If a thought feels sticky, distressing, repetitive, and resistant to logic or reassurance, there’s a good chance you’re dealing with an intrusive thought rather than a meaningful signal or intuition.

Should I Worry About My Intrusive Thoughts?

In short: no. Intrusive thoughts are not impulses. People who experience them are not at higher risk of acting on them. In fact, the issue is usually over-control, not lack of control. You care deeply about preventing harm, which is why the thoughts feel so disturbing.

Take harm OCD as an example. One common theme within this subtype involves obsessive fears about becoming a serial killer. These fears arise precisely because not harming others is a deeply held value, making the thought of committing violence feel unbearable and deeply distressing. However, as NOCD explains, people with harm OCD are no more likely than the general population to harm someone. In fact, they may be even less likely, given how vigilant they are about these thoughts and how much distress the thoughts cause them.

That being said, you might consider seeing a therapist if intrusive thoughts are causing significant distress, taking up a lot of mental space, leading to compulsive behaviors, or interfering with daily life. A therapist trained in OCD-informed approaches can help you change your relationship with these thoughts rather than trying to eliminate them.

How to Stop Intrusive Thoughts: Give Up Fighting

This may sound counterintuitive, but the most effective way to deal with intrusive thoughts is to stop fighting them.

There’s solid psychological science behind this. In an article published in Behaviour Research and Therapy, researchers found that thought suppression is counterproductive, while acceptance is a more effective technique. 

A common metaphor used in ACT is the Chinese finger trap: the harder you pull to escape, the tighter it grips. Relief comes from gently moving inward, not forcing your way out.

The goal isn’t to make thoughts disappear. It’s to develop a new relationship with them. Instead of treating thoughts as threats that must be analyzed or neutralized, you learn to see them as mental events that can come and go on their own.

“The central shift is from a focus on what you think and feel to how do you relate to what you think and feel”

Steven C. Hayes, A Liberated Mind

Traditional CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) helps by identifying unhelpful thinking patterns and reducing reassurance and compulsions. ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) builds on this by emphasizing defusion (creating distance from thoughts) and acceptance (allowing internal experiences without resistance). Together, these approaches help loosen the grip intrusive thoughts have over your attention and emotions.

What Exercises Are Good for Intrusive Thoughts?

• Acknowledge the thought: Gently notice the thought without judging it or trying to push it away. A simple “I’m noticing an intrusive thought” can interrupt the automatic struggle.
• Give your brain a name and politely agree with it: This ACT exercise might sound strange, but it’s powerful. You might say, “Thanks, Kyle, I see you’re trying to protect me,” without debating or correcting the content.
• Mindfulness: Mindfulness helps you observe thoughts rather than get pulled into them. Simple practices include focusing on the breath, noticing sounds in the room, or doing a brief body scan for one to two minutes.
• Redirect attention to physical sensations: Bring attention to your feet on the floor, the feeling of your hands, or your breathing. This grounds you in the present moment without trying to escape the thought.
• Give shape and color to the thought: Visualize the thought as an object, cloud, or cartoon image. This creates distance and reminds you that thoughts are experiences, not commands or truths.
• Avoid reassurance: Reassurance feels helpful short-term but keeps the cycle alive. Each time you seek certainty, you teach your brain that the thought was dangerous.
• Open the door: Imagine opening a door and allowing uncomfortable thoughts and feelings to enter and leave freely. You “accept” these unwanted visitors and allow them to leave of their own accord.
• Drop the rope: Picture a tug-of-war between you and the thought. Now picture yourself dropping the rope and shifting your attention instead to the things that matter in your life. You are no longer engaged in this senseless game, so you can actually focus on the things that are meaningful to you.

Stop Intrusive Thoughts Without Fighting FAQ